Thoughts With Tumi

I DO NOT LIKE TALKING STAGES BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY EXIST… AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHY.

I might be a walking contradiction, but hear me out. I know I said I do not like talking stages but if I am being honest, I also kind of do. That is the part no one admits. There is something addictive about that phase, the curiosity and the uncertainty of what something could become. It feels light, it feels exciting, and it does not carry the full weight of expectation yet. You get to meet someone without fully being seen by them. And maybe that is exactly the problem.

Because the talking stage gives us control, and sometimes it gives us too much of it. We do not just fall anymore, we study and we pace ourselves. We adjust as we go, carefully choosing what to show and what to hide. It becomes a slow and calculated exchange where someone learns you in parts. First they learn what you like, then what you do not like, what you look for in a partner and what you don't want in a partner , then what affects you. By the time feelings are allowed to exist, they already feel filtered and rehearsed to fit the role.

So now I find myself sitting in a contradiction that I cannot ignore. I do not like talking stages, but I understand why they exist.

(hear me out)

We have created a culture where nobody wants to feel foolish for falling too fast, I for one take approximately 10 minutes to fall in love sounds crazy right? I know.

Don't judge me, I'm just a Yearner forced to know and understand the game.

Nobody wants to be the one who cared first. Instead of experiencing someone fully, we analyze them and protect ourselves in layers. In trying to stay safe, we slowly remove the risk that makes the connection feel real.

But in doing that, I cannot help but wonder if we quietly lost something important. When was the last time you saw someone genuinely infatuated. Not cautious or strategic, but fully present in their feelings. The kind of excitement that is unfiltered and a little irrational at time. It feels rare now, almost unfamiliar. It is as if we replaced natural connection with something structured and controlled.

I do not want to be understood like a process that unfolds in stages. I do not want someone to unlock me piece by piece as if there is a correct order to knowing me. I want the chaos of being discovered all at once, the kind of connection that feels uncertain but honest. The risk and the vulnerability are part of what makes it real. Without that, something always feels incomplete.

So yes, I have a complicated relationship with talking stages. They protect you, but they also take something away from you. They create space for caution, but they leave little room for genuine feelings. And now I am left asking a question that feels uncomfortable but necessary. Are we truly building connections, or are we just learning how to manage them? I guess that's for you to know and find out...